I am going to set up her side of the argument as well as my side of the argument in a very objective and non judgmental way. Hopefully you (the reader) can give us your fully informed and unbiased judgement. Here is the case.
After my son's daycare relocated at the beginning of the year my son stopped using the potty in the new location and has become afraid of the toilet (which is the same style from before) that they have. From January to March he wore a pamper and when I would go pick him up I would take it off because he is still potty trained everywhere else. However, as of last month the daycare stopped putting diapers on ALL the kids his age to help bridge the potty training gap that all of us parents are facing. As of a week ago it has gotten worse. For the last 3 days he has had accidents and is no longer trying to hold it and strongly refuses to go to the potty in daycare.
Her Unbiased Denfense
My wife says that everything will change and that we should do nothing as my son is a 2.5 year old boy who will eventually grow out of it. She feels it's a normal behavior that some kids go through and, by us trying to do something about it, could have adverse effects on his potty training. She also feels that I am probably making it worse being that kids pick up on emotion and behavior.
My Unbiased Denfense
While I am in agreement that it is normal for setbacks to occur and I think nothing is wrong with my son, I do think we need to try something to get him back on board the potty train again. Here are some of my suggestions that I through out on the table.
1. Bring our potty from home and leave it at the daycare.
2. Hang out in daycare until the first potty call and see if I could be assistance.
3. Bring our "Cars" cover seat that he uses outside while we are away from home.
4. Change him for an already trained one. (my wife doesn't find this funny and says she will change me for a better looking husband) Touche!!!
All jokes aside I know there is nothing wrong but I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me. I don't know why but it does. Maybe it's my insecurities or my fear that the other little ones will start picking on him one day. Maybe it's because I want my kids to be perfect like every other parent in the world and when things don't go my way I feel like I do. Maybe I feel there is a potty training competition and my son will lose if he doesn't get back on his groove.
In case you are wondering I try my very best to not let my emotions show when I go pick him up. In fact just yesterday my wife called me to tell me that she called the daycare and found out he had an accident and then contacted me to tell me ahead of time. I told her that I am not mad at him but my feelings are my feelings that I am working through. I am trying my best to address them but I am a fairly new parent who needs training as well (not potty).
Yesterday, as I walked into daycare, my son came up to me and I told him I loved him and asked him how his day was. He said good and then told me he wet his pants. I said that I knew and that it was totally ok. I then asked him if he would help me wash the wet clothes when we got home. He smiled and said yes.
4/19/2012 03:29:02 am
I am not sure what the right answer is. I have heard both from different parents. I do like your suggestions though- especially the one about hanging out at school and waiting to be of assistance. This would help you see what leads up to the event and if there are reasons why he isn't using the toilet.
4/19/2012 03:51:48 am
I agree. Something has happened at daycare and he is looking for attention. I just read the ebook by Lara Jensen and her technique seems quite good. I will have my wife read it and go from there.
4/19/2012 03:47:02 am
Well there's a couple of things I'm thinking when comes to your (shitty) I mean potty situation. 1. Maybe your son will grow up to be a very messy person.
4/19/2012 03:54:20 am
Your advice put me to sleep Negro. :)
I.. am not a parent. So take this with a grain of salt. I would say leave it. Because while bringing his things from home to day care may temporarily solve the problem, it might hurt the issue in the long run. What I mean is, when he's 5 and starts his first day of school, he might be scared of the school toilets too but you can't very well be bringing his cars toilet seat cover or potty .. you know? But my understanding of the workings of children is limited so seriously.. feel free to ignore.
4/19/2012 08:17:27 am
Daisy not being a parent doesn't make you any less knowledgable. Sometimes we only see what we see through our life experiences. I appreciate your answer and will take it all in.
4/19/2012 06:33:50 am
Man, we're going through potty training too. Ughh. Out youngest has been the hardest yet (out of 3 kids).
4/19/2012 08:21:03 am
Wow you too...??? Daycare has been helpful but I think it's more me than him. I think I might be giving off vibes and not good ones. Yesterday I changed my thinking and said I will be 100% positive. It worked and he told me what happened and I was all cool about it. Let's see today.
4/19/2012 07:30:29 am
I am not a parent so obviously please disregard this comment--but seriously, you guys are freaking out WAY too much over potty training. I am sure I will be the same way and I hope some one will leave a comment and smack some sense into me. You will NOT scar your child over potty training. It will be OKAY. Repeat that to yourselves: We will NOT scar our child over potty training.
4/19/2012 08:19:17 am
You are so right... I am too hard on me. He will be fine. It's dad that has to learn to be more calm. I did ask him once and he said the toilet scared him. I have to take it for what it is because that is what he said.
4/19/2012 07:56:45 am
I wonder what happened that caused him to be afraid of the new potty. I think finding the answer to that question may help you get this resolved. This one is not as clear cut as the birthday cake but I'm going to side with you on it. The boy is acting out for a reason and you guys need to figure out what it is. Good luck!
4/19/2012 08:21:49 am
Thanks Zack... I just wonder if it's because of me.
4/19/2012 02:57:28 pm
WebMD is great. Thanks Jackie
4/19/2012 07:29:01 pm
Jai, I am with you on this one and would either take the potty from home or his fav cover. If children are picking on him because of that it is very likely to get worse. Don't worry about you son wanting his potty everywhere - he is human not a Pavlov dog and eventually will start seeing that is impossible. But just for the record, given the coice I'll take my toilet with me (like would most people) but we curb the urge. Good luck and don't forget that your son is still very young and all this has to be done with great care.
4/19/2012 10:54:05 pm
4/19/2012 11:47:36 pm
We haven't been through this, you see.Our son told me (when 2 and a half) that he want to go on the potty and that was that (in other areas of life this certainty of his is very annoying :)). But my niece's husband made an issue and their sun started stuttering - he had to let go of the 'hard line' and go for a much softer approach.
4/20/2012 12:41:35 am
this was funny but interesting story. Is potty training going to be this much painful? Oh gosh!
4/20/2012 02:20:52 am
Don't forget I have another one who hasn't begun training yet so yes it's a pain. I might have found a solution. I will keep all posted.
I think you're being too hard on yourself about this because he's a boy, and most boys I know potty train later than girls, and I've found 3 to be a fairly average age. My oldest (a girl) didn't pee pee train completely until she was 3 and #2 took a lot longer. She actually did say she was scared to do that.
4/20/2012 11:17:36 am
Yes I am too hard on myself. Sorry I didn't realize I would be this kind of parent. I actually thought I would be a bit different. The other day I started to ignore the peeing and he stopped doing it 2 days in a row. He got a lollipop and bragged to his mom about not doing so. It's all me I know but hey parents learn too. Thanks for the comment.
4/24/2012 05:58:44 pm
My toddler is turning 20 months. I'm thinking of using the 3-day potty training when he is ready. Right now, he just started getting used to sitting on the potty but does not know what to do yet. I think your recommendations are great ideas to ease the transition in the new environment. If you haven't already said it, I would have recommended the same thing with having something familiar. I also agree with your wife on #4. :-)
4/24/2012 11:01:46 pm
It says 22 months is the earliest you should start the program. LOL #4 didn't quite get the laugh I was looking for. :)
So I'm not currently a parent...although I did care for colicky twins, for which I'm requesting a medal of honor.
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There are 3 things I can't change... my 2 kids, my 1 wife and my 0 rights.