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Husband vs Wife (Part 3) Potty Training

4/19/2012

24 Comments

 
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Hands down my wife won Husband vs Wife part 1 and I won Husband vs Wife (The Sequel) however we are at it again. This time it's a bit more serious and is going to probably end in a draw because no one child is alike and it's a situation that will inevitably change one day. Anyway we are having another debate but this round is not financial. The debate is about what to do to get my son potty trained AGAIN at daycare.  
I am going to set up her side of the argument as well as my side of the argument in a very objective and non judgmental way. Hopefully you (the reader) can give us your fully informed and unbiased judgement. Here is the case.

After my son's daycare relocated at the beginning of the year my son stopped using the potty in the new location and has become afraid of the toilet (which is the same style from before) that they have. From January to March he wore a pamper and when I would go pick him up I would take it off because he is still potty trained everywhere else. However, as of last month the daycare stopped putting diapers on ALL the kids his age to help bridge the potty training gap that all of us parents are facing. As of a week ago it has gotten worse. For the last 3 days he has had accidents and is no longer trying to hold it and strongly refuses to go to the potty in daycare. 

*
Her Unbiased Denfense
My wife says that everything will change and that we should do nothing as my son is a 2.5 year old boy who will eventually grow out of it. She feels it's a normal behavior that some kids go through and, by us trying to do something about it, could have adverse effects on his potty training. She also feels that I am probably making it worse being that kids pick up on emotion and behavior.

My Unbiased Denfense
While I am in agreement that it is normal for setbacks to occur and I think nothing is wrong with my son, I do think we need to try something to get him back on board the potty train again. Here are some of my suggestions that I through out on the table.

1. Bring our potty from home and leave it at the daycare.
2. Hang out in daycare until the first potty call and see if I could be assistance.
3. Bring our "Cars" cover seat that he uses outside while we are away from home.
or 
4. Change him for an already trained one. (my wife doesn't find this funny and says she will change me for a better looking husband) Touche!!!

All jokes aside I know there is nothing wrong but I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me. I don't know why but it does. Maybe it's my insecurities or my fear that the other little ones will start picking on him one day. Maybe it's because I want my kids to be perfect like every other parent in the world and when things don't go my way I feel like I do. Maybe I feel there is a potty training competition and my son will lose if he doesn't get back on his groove.  

In case you are wondering I try my very best to not let my emotions show when I go pick him up. In fact just yesterday my wife called me to tell me that she called the daycare and found out he had an accident and then contacted me to tell me ahead of time. I told her that I am not mad at him but my feelings are my feelings that I am working through. I am trying my best to address them but I am a fairly new parent who needs training as well (not potty). 

Yesterday, as I walked into daycare, my son came up to me and I told him I loved him and asked him how his day was. He said good and then told me he wet his pants. I said that I knew and that it was totally ok. I then asked him if he would help me wash the wet clothes when we got home. He smiled and said yes.
I am not asking to be judged but I am asking for help or just a little support. I have looked on the forums, read the posts and just last night bought an ebook 3 day potty training by Lora Jensen. Please let me know your thoughts.

Until Tomorrow,

Jai

24 Comments
Miss T @ Prairie Eco-Thrifter link
4/19/2012 03:29:02 am

I am not sure what the right answer is. I have heard both from different parents. I do like your suggestions though- especially the one about hanging out at school and waiting to be of assistance. This would help you see what leads up to the event and if there are reasons why he isn't using the toilet.

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Jai Catalano link
4/19/2012 03:51:48 am

I agree. Something has happened at daycare and he is looking for attention. I just read the ebook by Lara Jensen and her technique seems quite good. I will have my wife read it and go from there.

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Negro
4/19/2012 03:47:02 am

Well there's a couple of things I'm thinking when comes to your (shitty) I mean potty situation. 1. Maybe your son will grow up to be a very messy person.
2. He might like to be different from the other kids and likes to set a different trend. This could be good makes him very creative. Possibly a leader or an artist with new ideas. Hmmm wonder if lady gaga started out like this.
3. I say give it some time see if he grows out of it. Too much pressure might make him a anal grown up. If things don't change then tell him how Mr. Hanky (south park poop) needs to live in the toilet bowl.
Sorry this wasn't great advice but I thought it was funny.

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Jai Catalano link
4/19/2012 03:54:20 am

Your advice put me to sleep Negro. :)

Just know that when you have kids I will copy and paste your advice for you to refer back to.

Mr. Hanky needs to live in the toilet bowl was funny. :)

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Daisy link
4/19/2012 05:20:14 am

I.. am not a parent. So take this with a grain of salt. I would say leave it. Because while bringing his things from home to day care may temporarily solve the problem, it might hurt the issue in the long run. What I mean is, when he's 5 and starts his first day of school, he might be scared of the school toilets too but you can't very well be bringing his cars toilet seat cover or potty .. you know? But my understanding of the workings of children is limited so seriously.. feel free to ignore.

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Jai Catalano link
4/19/2012 08:17:27 am

Daisy not being a parent doesn't make you any less knowledgable. Sometimes we only see what we see through our life experiences. I appreciate your answer and will take it all in.

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Glen Craig link
4/19/2012 06:33:50 am

Man, we're going through potty training too. Ughh. Out youngest has been the hardest yet (out of 3 kids).

I like your ideas of bringing your own potty or seat. I mean, if it works why not?

I think he will outgrow it but who knows how long it will take?

Learning potty (sorry, couldn't come up with a better term there) is a tricky thing and your wife is right in that if you overreact it can set your son back.

Has the daycare offered up any solutions? They must have had some experience with it before?

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Jai Catalano link
4/19/2012 08:21:03 am

Wow you too...??? Daycare has been helpful but I think it's more me than him. I think I might be giving off vibes and not good ones. Yesterday I changed my thinking and said I will be 100% positive. It worked and he told me what happened and I was all cool about it. Let's see today.

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Newlyweds on a Budget link
4/19/2012 07:30:29 am

I am not a parent so obviously please disregard this comment--but seriously, you guys are freaking out WAY too much over potty training. I am sure I will be the same way and I hope some one will leave a comment and smack some sense into me. You will NOT scar your child over potty training. It will be OKAY. Repeat that to yourselves: We will NOT scar our child over potty training.
I mean really, do you remember bein gpotty trained? Because I sure don't.
It will happen eventually. In the mean time, I don't think you should ignore it all. I think you should ask your child why he keeps wetting his pants, and have an actual conversation about it. On the days he doesn't wet his pants you should tell him really good things and stuff. But I think you should try and find out WHY he is doing what he is doing. WHY is he scared? etc. And I think you should try and maybe sit in one day in darcare to help him out.
You guys are doing great, raising two kids. Parents need to stop being so hard on themselves ; )

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Jai Catalano link
4/19/2012 08:19:17 am

You are so right... I am too hard on me. He will be fine. It's dad that has to learn to be more calm. I did ask him once and he said the toilet scared him. I have to take it for what it is because that is what he said.

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Zack Jones link
4/19/2012 07:56:45 am

I wonder what happened that caused him to be afraid of the new potty. I think finding the answer to that question may help you get this resolved. This one is not as clear cut as the birthday cake but I'm going to side with you on it. The boy is acting out for a reason and you guys need to figure out what it is. Good luck!

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Jai Catalano link
4/19/2012 08:21:49 am

Thanks Zack... I just wonder if it's because of me.

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Jackie link
4/19/2012 02:48:52 pm

I can point you to webmd, which says that "boys were fully trained at an average age of 38 months". If even webmd is telling you not to worry about it, I wouldn't worry about it ;)

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Jai Catalano link
4/19/2012 02:57:28 pm

WebMD is great. Thanks Jackie

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maria@moneyprinciple link
4/19/2012 07:29:01 pm

Jai, I am with you on this one and would either take the potty from home or his fav cover. If children are picking on him because of that it is very likely to get worse. Don't worry about you son wanting his potty everywhere - he is human not a Pavlov dog and eventually will start seeing that is impossible. But just for the record, given the coice I'll take my toilet with me (like would most people) but we curb the urge. Good luck and don't forget that your son is still very young and all this has to be done with great care.

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Jai Catalano link
4/19/2012 10:54:05 pm

Thanks Maria,

Just me not talking about it in his daycare yesterday gave him a big boost. I swear it's all me.

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maria@moneyprinciple link
4/19/2012 11:47:36 pm

We haven't been through this, you see.Our son told me (when 2 and a half) that he want to go on the potty and that was that (in other areas of life this certainty of his is very annoying :)). But my niece's husband made an issue and their sun started stuttering - he had to let go of the 'hard line' and go for a much softer approach.

SB @ One cent at a time link
4/20/2012 12:41:35 am

this was funny but interesting story. Is potty training going to be this much painful? Oh gosh!

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Jai Catalano link
4/20/2012 02:20:52 am

Don't forget I have another one who hasn't begun training yet so yes it's a pain. I might have found a solution. I will keep all posted.

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Lena link
4/20/2012 10:59:15 am

I think you're being too hard on yourself about this because he's a boy, and most boys I know potty train later than girls, and I've found 3 to be a fairly average age. My oldest (a girl) didn't pee pee train completely until she was 3 and #2 took a lot longer. She actually did say she was scared to do that.

Have you considered that he's doing all of this on purpose so he can be the one in control? That's what my daughter did. She would pee in her pants on purpose, make a big fuss about being wet and claim she had an accident, but would either give us her tell-tale sly smile or simply tattle on herself later. She knew EXACTLY what she was doing. ;)

In the end, we got her to change her attitude by rewarding her with stickers for a job well done, and the issue of being scared to go #2 in the potty finally went away after we watched Elmo's Potty Time a billion times and assured her she was just like Baby Bear, who was scared to go poo-poo too and finally just sucked it up and did it. LOL

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Jai Catalano link
4/20/2012 11:17:36 am

Yes I am too hard on myself. Sorry I didn't realize I would be this kind of parent. I actually thought I would be a bit different. The other day I started to ignore the peeing and he stopped doing it 2 days in a row. He got a lollipop and bragged to his mom about not doing so. It's all me I know but hey parents learn too. Thanks for the comment.

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MaryAnne @ Parenting and Money link
4/24/2012 05:58:44 pm

My toddler is turning 20 months. I'm thinking of using the 3-day potty training when he is ready. Right now, he just started getting used to sitting on the potty but does not know what to do yet. I think your recommendations are great ideas to ease the transition in the new environment. If you haven't already said it, I would have recommended the same thing with having something familiar. I also agree with your wife on #4. :-)

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Jai Catalano link
4/24/2012 11:01:46 pm

It says 22 months is the earliest you should start the program. LOL #4 didn't quite get the laugh I was looking for. :)

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Andi B. link
5/7/2012 05:54:22 pm

So I'm not currently a parent...although I did care for colicky twins, for which I'm requesting a medal of honor.

Something that would be of concern to me, which your wife may not have considered, is this could potentially lead to health issues. My cousin had a bad potty experience and started holding it to the point where she ended up with severe constipation, and more serious bowel issues as it progressed. If he's holding it until he can't hold it anymore, it could become very unhealthy.

Also, if it's only happening at daycare than it doesn't seem like it's a control issue. I don't know how his verbalization is, but is there anyway to find out if he had a scary moment in the bathroom? (Did he fall in?) Or if the kids were teasing him because he was better at the potty than he was?

Hope it gets better soon!

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    Jai Catalano

    There are 3 things I can't change... my 2 kids, my 1 wife and my 0 rights.

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