The year was 1994 but the smell predated the current period by 13 years. That's right. I was at the Italian street festival of Pompeii selling tourist tee shirts with my good friend and long time roommate JP. Back then it was a lucrative business but it was all about the hustle of your game that dictated where you were set up, who was going to protect you, and the amount of money you were taking home. Remember this was NYC 1994 where the murder rate was still higher than the cost of a Hyundai. Luckily for me I am one of those born and bread New Yorker guys that has a great gift of gab and everybody loves. That and it didn't hurt to give Vinnie Finarelli 1000 smackaronis under the table.
I was sandwiched in between the zeppole guy and a club DJ so I was either eating or dancing depending on which way I looked. As the day turned to night, Whodini & some of his freaks started showing up and began hovering around the music and food. This one older couple, who looked like they stepped out of the 70's still intoxicated, began dancing slowly and rhythmically off timing in front of my booth. The crowd stopped to watch because, aside from embarrassing, they were quite entertaining. People started clapping which only fueled their energy to re create some of the moves from yesteryear. She spun left then he dropped to the floor. He spun right then she slid towards him. Left-Right-Spin-Drop-Slide was their dance sequence until he got the impulse to rap it up.
The pumping club song was ending and the couple seemed to know it was time to hit the grand finale so he decided to do a final move. That's when he kicked over her head and tried to land in a split. However, he must have forgotten that he wasn't in the 70's anymore or maybe his girlfriend grew taller because he smacked her dead center in the face. As she fell to her final un-choreographed move, he sat in a semi split with his hands proudly in the air. The crowd gasped and applauded at the same time because neither of them broke character. Without blinking or looking down, he bowed and proudly accepted the applause. She slowly stood up, clearly dazed but with a smile, to take in the roaring crowd as well.
People were giving them money and they gladly accepted it. The zeppole guy gave them a bag of zeppoles and JP and I started looking for some change in our pockets. I mean let's be honest, Broadway costs $150.00 a ticket and I got to watch an intense dance performance filled with excitement, fear and laughter for free. The least I could do was tip them. So that is when I called him over.
I hope you liked my story SB and SMB. Please visit the newest personal finance blogging members of Yakezie and NOT the couple I met back in 1994 at One Cent At A Time.
and a bonus...
I still have the dress I wore 10 years ago from the photo above.
How To Photograph A Floating Person
1. Find a place where you can float without appearing to be as crazy as you look. In this case I found the hallway to be within my wife's vocal reach so I set my Canon 7D up on a Cullmann Tripod and took a photograph of my hallway with my wireless remote control.
2. Leaving the camera exactly where it was, I placed an ottoman about 3 feet away from the camera and balanced my fat ass on the poor piece of furniture. Then I mustered up the best constipated smile I could come up with and pressed the remote control.
3. After feeling like I accomplished my idiotic goal I went back in the house and told my wife I was helping out one of the elderly neighbors with her groceries. My wife said, "let me see proof." I said, "I don't have any proof." She then said, "It's a shame you aren't a photographer who takes his camera and tripod along with him everywhere. You might have won the Pulitzer" Anyway, I then took the 1st photo and placed the 2nd one (as a layer) on top. After lining them up I created a layer mask, switched the foreground color, clicked the brush tool with a hardness of 50% and started to erase away the now broken ottoman.
4. Then once you are completely satisfied with How To Photograph A Floating Person, make sure your wife isn't behind you saying, "from the looks of things Superlessman, it looks like you flew passed your destination."
5. For extra fun you can always add a few Topaz Adjust filters to enhance the photo and make your wife say, "hey Clark! Being that you are so quick to help, fly over to the kitchen and cook superman junior something to eat because mommy is sick of being wonder woman all the time."
Did you know my daughter was a child genius? You should have figured it out after getting to know me a bit... I mean the apple pie doesn't fall from the oven. Take a look at the video and see for yourself. But I warn you... DO NOT BLINK. She is very fast.
My son who is a few days from 2 1/2 years old had his 9th haircut. Yes 9. I mean come on... Really? If ever my personal finance blogger friends from Yakezie ever wondered where ALL my money goes well now they know. I avoided getting his haircut for a long time. Read Crime Stoppers to find out why. So instead of cutting it I nicknamed him Barry Gibbs.
Did you take the poll of which President I look like after Photoshop? Guess who won. Even I was blown away. To read those and more of this past weeks blogs please take a look at the links below...
Oh wait!!! Does Alexa Ranking really matter being that every week I post the new numbers? No not really but it's fun to talk about because part of the Yakezie challenge is to get them under 200k. So, as of today I am 155,428 in case you were wondering.
1. Fun With Photography - Photoshop Self Into 5 Different Presidents
2. Child Genius (Safety Product FAIL)
3. Dr. Dean (A Thinker & A Knower)
I know what you are thinking. Does Dr. Dean know more than I know? Honestly, I don't know but I truly think so. Think about it! He is a Doctor which should put him in a class of knowers higher than thinkers like me. Truth be told, I only know Dr. Dean from his knowledgable blog and thoughtful comments that he adds to mine. I say knowledgable blog because I think his blog is well thought out with tons of knowledge. As a reader, I know from his writing that he thinks through the thought provoking topics, narrowing down his thoughts to add insightful, reader friendly knowledge for the thousands of thinkers and knowers who read his knowledgable thoughts daily.
Look I don't want you to think I think I know it all because now I read Dr. Dean's blog. In fact, I think it's safe to say that Dr. Dean probably doesn't think he knows it all either. That's not the kind of thought I get from his online presence. Although, that being said, I now know I know a lot more than I knew before because Dr. Dean's got me thinking in a whole new thought provoking way which, between you and me, makes me more knowledgable than you could have ever imagined before you started reading today's topic of thoughts.
If you want to be in the know, go over and visit Dr. Dean and his blog at www.themillionairenurse.com.
I can't deny my loving daughter, who we have nicknamed "La Garra" (the claw), gives lots of love and has nifty hand skills. A few months ago we were at a friend's house and she lunged out of my arms to grab a lonely glass of merlot that was sitting quietly on the table. She hooked on and tossed it onto the ground. Did the merlot deserve it? Maybe yes but nonetheless the glass and its mommy juice saw its demise.
Then a few weeks ago we were in a packed elevator and my daughter swiped a pair of glasses off of a fellow elevator goer. Fortunately we saved the glasses from an early and untimely death. My wife and I justified her behavior by saying something stupid like maybe she has a thing for Prada. The foolish man and victim on his face along with the passengers laughed at what they thought was a cute move from an adorable girl.
However, the other day my wife and son went for a walk and I stayed back with my daughter. I decided to get on the computer and try to get some work done. Click clack I hear behind me. I look and there is my daughter with the child safety outlet cover in her claw. I thought to myself maybe she wants me to put it back in being that I use the outlet as my phone charging outlet from time to time. So, I tussled, got it out of her hands, put it back in its place and turned back to work. Click clack I hear behind me again. I look and there is my daughter with the child safety outlet cover in her hands again. Wait a minute I think to myself. Isn't this supposed to be a child safe item? My daughter is only 11 months old. I sometimes struggle to take it out. So, I tussle with her again, get it out of her hands, push it firmly in its place and sit back and watch. Within a second I see her with my four eyes and hear her with my own 2 ears click clack. 5 times later I finally run to get my video camera to prove to my wife I am not making this stuff up.
Now before you watch the video I recorded I want to stress that I did research (after the fact) and apparently Safety First Press Plug Protectors gets 1 star for there are several other child geniuses (I had no clue) in the world that render this a product FAIL. I know my wife and I should have done better research and luckily I can sit and make light of my daughter's claw and Jai like genius in a blog post but why in HELL does this product still exist? If you are a parent and you are reading this please please please don't buy this product... Even if you child isn't a genius like mine.
Who wouldn't want to be the first President of the United States? He might have turned down being called King but nobody can deny George is on top of the list.
Fun Facts About George Washington.
Who wouldn't want to be Honest Abe? He is arguably the most popular President who people have placed on the highest pedestal. Even Abe is wondering what the hype is about.
Who wouldn't want to be one of the toughest Presidents this country has seen? Ironically the Teddy Bear was named in his honor when he decided not to shoot a bear held by his men.
John F. Kennedy
Who wouldn't want to be mack daddy JFK? He is undoubtedly the handsomest President who has ever strutted the White House.
Who wouldn't want to be the first non caucasian President of the United States? He might be the 44th President but he's definitely in a class by himself.
Please take the poll below.
In case you were wondering... Yes that is an image of my daughter that I photographed the other day with all natural light that came through the bedroom window. I would love to say I am a great photographer but the subject truly outshines the skills. By the way my daughter will be 1 in a couple of weeks and I am almost done taking a photo a day of her during her 1st year. That will become a video too.
Did you know I photographed my son everyday too? Have you ever seen the video? I call it Father Takes A Photo Every Day For 1 Year. Click the phrase and let me know what you think.
Anyway, I gotta cut it short today (sorry SB) because my son has been home sick with a fever and he keeps asking me to play with him and when I tell him that I am blogging he cries. I keep thinking to myself why are you crying I am the one who should be crying. Have you seen my adsense account?
And now on to some numbers...
My new Alexa Ranking is 176, 891. Thanks Yakezie.
To read more about what I wrote about this week just visit the links below.
1. How Not To Hate Being Photographed
2. 5 Unromantic Things Not To Give Your Loved One On Valentine's Day
3. How To Save Money (Mom's Way)
That is why when Melissa Batai from momsplans.com sent me a copy of her ebook called "Mom's Dining Out Deals" I had to listen. Why? Because she is not only a mother but she is a mother times three so she is definitely speaking from a deeper place.
Side Note*** Hats off to you Melissa because between you and me I wouldn't want my wife to be deeper than she already is after the 2 watermelons she gave me.
Anyway, her ebook is AMAZING. It's a quick read with no extra fat in it (pun intended) so you get right down to the savings. Melissa has included a total of 70 different strategies to go about saving money when dining out and she places a little blurb on the strategy's strong points to make you see the overall picture.
Side note*** Unbeknownst to her, she turned me on to Ebates (1 of her goodies added to her strategy) a few weeks ago. Shhh
Anyway again, pick up a copy of her ebook Mom's Dining Out Deals because trust me you won't be disappointed. How do I know? 3 ways...
1. I read it and only knew 15 to 20 strategies.
2. It's only $5. You will most likely get that back times 2 after using just 1 strategy.
3. She has 3 watermelons.
Bouquet Of Poison Ivy
Believe it or not, I knew a guy who was itching to give his ex girlfriend a bouquet of poison ivy as a token of his loving affection. It turns out that she got wind of his plan and called her new boyfriend to weed out the situation.
Lingerie From Your Previous Relationship
Believe it or not, (again) a female friend of mine one time gave a pair of elephant pouch underwear, that she had stolen from her ex, to a new guy she was dating. She swore to me that she had washed them and I swore to myself to never date her.
Jenny Craig Dinner
I am not going to lie, Jenny Craig is a great program. I have lost a significant amount of weight after I gained several pounds because my wife got pregnant twice. However, no matter how romantic the JC marketers design their Valentine's Day meals, I can't perform my Rudolf Valentino act with a 3 cheese ziti dinner for 2.
Trader Joe's Wine
Good Ole 2 buck chuck... Don't get me wrong Trader Joe's wine is fine for the other 364 days during the year but not for Valentine's Day. There are several companies that make inexpensive wine that don't have cheap ass mother f***king date written all over it.
Opened Box Of Chocolate
I am going to make this obvious one short and sweet... Unless you are a ping pong champion with a fishing boat who runs all over the world then don't open the box of chocolate because your name isn't Forest Gump.
Happy Valentine's Day
There are 3 things I can't change... my 2 kids, my 1 wife and my 0 rights.