5 reasons you shouldn't have kids...

...until you are ready, really in love with the unknown, or bored with your life.  So here are the 5 reasons...

1.  Sleep.
Yes it is true.  You will never sleep again.  Ever.  You might dose off from time to time at work or in your colonoscopy appointment but you will never sleep again.  If you love sleep like Vivian and I used to love sleep hold off having kids until you don't like to sleep anymore.  

2.  Clean House.
Clean?  What's that?  I found a pair of socks that were buried under a coat that was buried under a towel that was buried under Elmo that was stuck to a chair all while I was in search for a pair of toe nail clippers.  Guess what I found?  A Peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  If you want a clean house win the lotto or don't have kids until you surprises.

3. Fashion
I used to have a walk in closet with rows of outfits and shoes...  now I have a closet from a scene from Hoarders some of Vivian's clothes loitering in with my mess.  So if you are ready for kids but like a diverse fashionable wardrobe you might have to consider re wearing the same 3 wrinkled outfit that are in hand's reach until your kids are not completely dependent on you or your friends force you into a fashion intervention.

4. Dieting
I try to count calories.  However, how many calories are in 3 bites of pizza, 1 gulp of whole milk, a double sliver of a chocolate muffin, 4 spoons of sweet potato baby food, a corner of an elmo bar and 1 grape?  The only way to get kids to eat food is to force them to eat but because there are so many surveillance  cameras around I choose to go the more inclusive show and share with my kids way.
             

5.  Sex.  
I used to have sex.  I used to love it too.  I still do but nowadays Vivian and I have to plan sex around dosing off.  So, if you have had enough sex to fulfill you for a lifetime or you don't mind planing sex night then falling asleep during foreplay, have a couple of kids...  Oh in case you were wondering Vivian and I are planing on a 3pm rendezvous  on November 28th.  Wish us luck.

Until tomorrow.

Jai