The ad would read as follows:
2 loving kids with special talents.
Boy-20 months old.
1) Waking up in the middle of the night.
2) Kicking dad in bed or out of it.
3) Going without eating. (will eat pizza anytime)
4) Filling a pamper and blaming you for filling it if you ask him.
5) Speaks English and Spanish to belabor his point in case you don't understand.
Girl-2 months old.
1) Drinks constantly.
If interested please just come over. No need to call or write.
Just come over.
Willing to negotiate.