Sofia Vergara at 7am monday morning without make up and puffy as hell from lack of sleep is 1000 times worthier of a playboy spread than Lindsay Lohan at her freshest. Come on Hugh. Come on Playboy. This is where capitalism loses because aside from the fact that LL is not playboy material, there should be some standards being that she is still doing community service.
I say if you really want to see Lindsay Lohan nude google Lindsay Lohan nude and there are 100 different photos of her revealing every part of her body while she is going to court, being arrested, or drunk.
How do I know? I had to do research.
Playground user and slide connoisseur Jaxon Jai was among about a dozen kids sent to bed early on Tuesday night outside of Big Birds' birdcage.
A group of approximately 50 diaper filled kids from Occupy Sesame Street showed up at Big Birds' abode to whine in front of New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, who was being honored as a "bird lover" by the Bird Lover Association run by humans.
Jaxon, who watches tons of Sesame Street in both english and spanish, was hanging out with the yellow icon, along with Elmo & The Count, when a police officer suggested Jaxon and a few of his buddies put on a cheap no name brand diaper, claiming that he (officer) was just trying to avoid a huge smelly mess.
After numerous warnings that he and his friends would be sent to bed early, Jaxon's buds strained until red in the face-filling their diapers until they leaked.
Jaxon, pictured, was picked up and carted away with several others.
According to sources, the kids chanting hell no overflow, tried to follow Jaxon but got tired and whiney and fell asleep before they could see what happened.
You know it's bad enough the economy isn't going the way we ALL hoped it would but when my son crawls into a photo with the President... I expect BO to at least acknowledge him. He could have done 1 of at least 10 things.
1. Picked him up.
2. Changed his diaper.
3. Taxed him for being cute.
4. Sold him some organic broccoli.
5. Begged him to vote for him in 2012.
6. Given him Elmo's number.
7. Sent him back to Colombia.
8. Saved him %15 on toy car insurance.
9. Promised his parents health care.
and my favorite...
10. Hooked him up with Sasha Obama.
Can you believe I took this shot of myself.? Man I love photoshop.
I am member of my neighborhood block association and submitted a letter of opposition to the Community Board because a new restaurateur is demanding a full bar with a 4 am closing. Here is what I wrote.
It's amazing how fast kids learn. My son just turned 2 on Aug 28 and he's already talking. Can you believe it? Just the other night he said something other kids won't say for years to come. More on that in just a moment.
Hi my name is Jai Catalano and I am a member of my neighborhood block association and I have lived on ******************* for 39 years. My Facebook friends will wish me a happy 22nd birthday in December but between you and me, in 2 months, I will celebrate 40 years in the same neighborhood.
I am a father of 2, a husband of 1, and a sleeper of 0. Why don't I sleep you ask? I used to think it was because my kids woke me up. Then I realized it wasn't that my kids woke me up it was that my kids were woken up. Why do they keep waking up you ask? I truly believe it's because of 3 things mixed together.
2) 4 am closings
3) No police
Let me explain because there is something to be said about the way people, who drink alcohol, act when leaving an establishment with a 4 am closing, and no police in site.
Why would a young, thin, short Indian American girl provoke a fight with a group of Jersey Shore (looking) guys then injure herself by falling from a missed punch she threw at them? Please refer to numbers 1, 2 and 3.
Why would an African American woman take off her wig and throw it in the garbage so that she could fist fight her boyfriend and his 20 friends in the middle of the road because he was talking to another woman at a club? Please refer to numbers 1, 2 and 3.
Why would a group of college guys roll down their car window and blast a 7 minute song so that they could dance a well executed stomp routine in the middle of the street? Please refer to numbers 1, 2 and 3.
In no way am I trying to mock this situation but if I don't use the little sense of humor I have left to express my growing concern of my neighborhood as well as the *********** and their lack of respect for the standard our association is trying to continue to uphold, I might be forced to cut down the 30 year old tree that is in front of my window so I could have a better view of the 4:15 am reality show with my wife and kids.
Speaking of my kids... Do you want to know what my son said to me the other night? Dada another fight?
For more information feel free to call me at the number below.
...until you are ready, really in love with the unknown, or bored with your life. So here are the 5 reasons...
Yes it is true. You will never sleep again. Ever. You might dose off from time to time at work or in your colonoscopy appointment but you will never sleep again. If you love sleep like Vivian and I used to love sleep hold off having kids until you don't like to sleep anymore.
2. Clean House.
Clean? What's that? I found a pair of socks that were buried under a coat that was buried under a towel that was buried under Elmo that was stuck to a chair all while I was in search for a pair of toe nail clippers. Guess what I found? A Peanut butter and jelly sandwich. If you want a clean house win the lotto or don't have kids until you surprises.
I used to have a walk in closet with rows of outfits and shoes... now I have a closet from a scene from Hoarders some of Vivian's clothes loitering in with my mess. So if you are ready for kids but like a diverse fashionable wardrobe you might have to consider re wearing the same 3 wrinkled outfit that are in hand's reach until your kids are not completely dependent on you or your friends force you into a fashion intervention.
I try to count calories. However, how many calories are in 3 bites of pizza, 1 gulp of whole milk, a double sliver of a chocolate muffin, 4 spoons of sweet potato baby food, a corner of an elmo bar and 1 grape? The only way to get kids to eat food is to force them to eat but because there are so many surveillance cameras around I choose to go the more inclusive show and share with my kids way.
I used to have sex. I used to love it too. I still do but nowadays Vivian and I have to plan sex around dosing off. So, if you have had enough sex to fulfill you for a lifetime or you don't mind planing sex night then falling asleep during foreplay, have a couple of kids... Oh in case you were wondering Vivian and I are planing on a 3pm rendezvous on November 28th. Wish us luck.
Why do kids get so attached to some words and refuse to learn others? We have been trying to get our son to say "yo quiero" instead of "I want" for a few weeks. He eventually says it but he always starts with "I want." Then we give him the I am too stupid to understand you look.
However, I was calling my daughter all sorts of names the other day and out of nowhere I said
"hi my little Mookie Wilson..."
Vivian from across the room said
"don't call my daughter Mookie Wilson."
"Mookie Wilson. Hehehehe. Mookie Wilson. Mama mira Mookie Wilson."
I said to Jaxon
"Quieres Mookie Wilson?"
"Si papa I want Mookie Wilson.
Steve Jobs, a proud family man of 4, always envisioned himself with the greats of the world like Shakespeare, Issac Newton, & possibly me. And while we celebrate his life and mourn his death there are a group of people that didn't quite make Steve's envisioned list.
Here are his probable top 5.
1. Marv Albert (for wearing womens' wear.)
2. Sylvester Stallone (for filming "Stop or my mom will shoot.")
3. Lindsay Lohan (for getting a DWI right after leaving rehab)4. Bjork (for wearing the swan dress to the 2001 academy awards.)
and my favorite
5. Dan Qualye (for spelling potato with an E.)